Circling Back to Circle Back (On the Circling Back)

By Ken Hollow, trapped in an infinite feedback loop of buzzwords

If I die young, bury me in an Outlook calendar invite. Cause of death: “Just circling back.” My tombstone will read: “Per my last email.”

Corporate jargon has many crimes, but none so insidious as the eternal loop of circling back, touching base, looping in, following up, and checking in. Entire weeks vanish into this linguistic Bermuda Triangle where no actual progress is ever made.

🔹 The Life Cycle of Circling Back

1. The First Email: Innocent enough. A request, a question, a proposal.
2. The Silence: Days pass. Nothing. You wonder if the email fell into the void.
3. The First Circle Back: “Just circling back on this!” Polite, harmless. The beginning of the end.
4. The Loop Intensifies: “Touching base.” “Looping in.” “Checking to see if you saw my last message.” You are now trapped in a recursive hell.
5. The Meeting: Because apparently 14 emails weren’t enough, we need a “quick sync.” Spoiler: it isn’t quick.
6. The Follow-Up to the Meeting: “Circling back on our call…” The ouroboros completes its cycle.

I once spent three weeks in a thread about whether Nana’s livestream should be labeled “mystical experience” or “immersive ritual.” By the end, the brand rep wrote: “Just circling back on circling back.” I nearly astral-projected out of spite.

🔹 Why People Do This

Corporate types think circling back = productivity. It doesn’t. It’s:

• Fear of Accountability: No one wants to actually decide, so they hide behind loops.
• Inbox Survival Strategy: If you keep nudging, maybe someone else will take the hit.
• Learned Helplessness: Everyone’s too fried to write a clear sentence. “Circle back” is verbal autopilot.

Meanwhile, I’m over here juggling Nana’s contracts, brand briefs, and ritual schedules, wondering if I’ll ever get an email that just says: “Yes. Do it.”

🔹 Touching Base With My Sanity

Other cursed cousins of circling back:

• “Ping me if you need anything” – Translation: I will ignore your ping.
• “Let’s take this offline” – Translation: We will never speak of this again.
• “As per my last email” – Translation: I am sharpening my knife.
• “Hope this finds you well” – It doesn’t. It never does.

Every phrase is an incantation in the dark magic of wasting time.

🔹 The Slack Variant (A New Plague)

Email isn’t the only vector. Slack birthed its own strain of circle-back disease.

• “Hey, just bumping this up in case you missed it.”
• “Thoughts?”
• “Any updates?”

Every ping derails your focus, adds nothing, and ensures the cycle continues. Nana once replied to a Slack circle-back with a prophecy in all caps: “THE MOON SHALL DECIDE.” Honestly, clearer than most managers.

🔹 How to Break the Loop (You Can’t)

I’d love to give you practical advice. I’d love to say there’s a way out. But there isn’t. Once you’re in the circle-back loop, you’re in until one of three things happens:

1. Someone quits.
2. The project dies.
3. You fake your own death and move to the woods.

🔹 Final Thoughts From the Inbox Abyss

“Circling back” is not communication. It’s the linguistic equivalent of pacing nervously while doing nothing. It’s why projects crawl, why inboxes overflow, and why my will to live has a 48-hour SLA.

So the next time you feel the urge to circle back, resist. Write something clear. Make a decision. Or better yet, let the email die in peace. Not every thread needs resurrection.

Because trust me, if you circle back to me again, I will take it offline. Permanently.

Ken Hollow, ghost of 10,000 follow-ups, full-time inbox casualty