By Ken Hollow, unwilling facilitator of algorithmic nonsense
Brainstorming was already group procrastination with sticky notes. But now, thanks to AI, we’ve leveled up to machine-assisted procrastination. Instead of a room full of people shouting buzzwords, you get a chatbot spitting out 200 buzzwords in 30 seconds. Progress?
Spoiler: no. It’s the same garbage, just automated.
How AI “Improves” Brainstorming
Here’s the pitch: “AI tools can accelerate ideation and unlock innovative synergies at scale.” Translation: instead of three bad ideas, you now have three hundred bad ideas — instantly.
- Old brainstorming: “What if we gamify engagement?”
- AI brainstorming: “Gamify engagement, but also with blockchain, NFTs, quantum vibes, and raccoon-powered loyalty points.”
- Old brainstorming: “Let’s leverage authenticity.”
- AI brainstorming: “Hyper-leverage cross-platform authenticity optimization at scale.”
It’s Mad Libs with a GPU. And management eats it up.
The Infinite Idea Pile
AI makes it worse because it never stops. A human at least gets tired after 45 minutes of post-it hell. AI? It’ll happily generate “50 disruptive brand activations” until the server bill hits six figures.
And then some poor intern has to sort through it all, highlighting ideas like “user-generated velvet ritual challenges” because the boss thinks it’s “fresh.” (It’s not. It’s cursed.)
Dashboards of Doom
Now, brainstorming isn’t just sticky notes on a wall. It’s dashboards filled with AI-generated ideas ranked by “engagement probability.” Which sounds scientific until you realize it’s just an algorithm predicting which idea will waste money fastest.
I sat through one session where the “top-ranked idea” was “launching a branded moon colony.” The CEO nodded seriously and said, “This aligns with our vision.” I considered walking into traffic.
Nana vs. the Algorithm
Naturally, Nana loves AI brainstorming. She feeds prompts like “How do we disrupt capitalism with velvet?” and giggles when the results suggest “interdimensional velvet NFTs.” She’s already pitched a reality show spin-off called Velvetverse. I can’t stop her.
At one point, she asked the AI to generate “ritual slogans.” My favorite result: “Synergize the moon, monetize the soul.” Honestly, I’d buy that on a t-shirt.
Why Managers Love It
- Volume = Value: If the AI vomits enough options, surely one must be good, right?
- Illusion of Progress: A dashboard full of ideas looks like work, even if it’s nonsense.
- Buzzword Firehose: Executives love to say words like “AI-assisted ideation.”
- Cheap Excuse: Why pay consultants when you can pay OpenAI’s API bill instead?
AI brainstorming doesn’t solve problems. It just produces more content for slides no one will read.
Final Thoughts From the Idea Dumpster
Brainstorming was already procrastination disguised as productivity. Now, with AI, it’s procrastination with a GPU. Faster, louder, shinier — still pointless.
If you want actual ideas, maybe try talking to humans who do the work. Or raccoons. Their one idea — “free snacks” — still beats half of what I’ve seen AI generate.
Ken Hollow, survivor of both sticky notes and algorithmic idea dumps
Hi. I’m Ken. I run Two Second Solutions, a one-man agency that somehow landed a fox spirit influencer as a client. I drink too much coffee, blog when I need to vent, and regularly update my résumé just in case she sets the office on fire again. I’m not crying — it’s just spell residue.