The Algorithm Is Gaslighting Me: Why Engagement Metrics Are Bullsh*t in 2025

By Ken Hollow, human embodiment of low reach and broken analytics dashboards

Ah, good morning to whoever’s still here. Or afternoon. Or whatever timezone we’re collectively screaming in today. I’ve just finished my third mug of aggressively bitter coffee (because it pairs nicely with existential dread) and opened up Nana Vix’s latest “insights report” — a term I now use exclusively in sarcastic air quotes.

“Exceptional engagement quality!” it chirps cheerfully.

Next line: “Reach down 74%.”

Cool. Thanks for the emotional whiplash, Instagram. Nothing like being told you’re thriving while simultaneously failing.

Welcome to 2025, folks, where every social platform has become a gaslighting ex — pretending to care while quietly ruining your self-esteem and siphoning your ad dollars.

Let’s talk about why none of these numbers mean what they say, why they’ve never meant what they say, and why, despite knowing this, I still obsessively check them at 1AM like a digital masochist.

🔹 The New Normal: Metrics That Mock You

Once upon a simpler time, we used to track likes, comments, and followers. It was quaint. Predictable. If a post performed well, you’d see it immediately — dopamine rush achieved.

Now? The metrics have evolved into a twisted puzzle box. Here’s what I get every time I check Nana’s account:

• “Synergistic Reach Quotient: Excellent!” Oh good! But wait… why did that post only reach 3% of her followers?
• “Emotional Affinity Score: 97%.” What even is that? Who is calculating emotional affinity and why do they think Nana’s latest reel about enchanted cuticle oil resonated with 97% of viewers?
• “Impression Quality Index: Outstanding!” Amazing. Except: impressions dropped 40% week over week.

It’s like a horoscope for brands now — vaguely flattering, deeply meaningless, and designed to keep you hooked.

I’ll tell you what these stats really mean: absolutely nothing.

🔹 Reach vs. Reality

Let’s get real about “reach.” According to Instagram, a post reached 10,000 accounts yesterday. Wow! Except:

• 6,000 were bots or ghost accounts.
• 2,000 scrolled past so fast their eyeballs didn’t even process it.
• 1,000 saw it but didn’t care.
• 500 were people Nana personally hexed into following her.
• 499 engaged in no measurable way.
• 1 liked it. And that was me. Testing.

So sure, 10,000 accounts “reached,” but in reality? One tired digital manager questioning his life choices.

This isn’t reach. This is theoretical exposure — Schrödinger’s Audience: technically present, emotionally absent.

🔹 The Mirage of Engagement

“Engagement is king,” they said. “Engagement matters,” they said.

Not anymore.

Engagement is now this slippery, abstract metric that’s been inflated beyond all recognition. Here’s why:

• Comments are half-bot chatter, half emojis.
• Likes mean nothing because Instagram might not even show them to anyone.
• Saves? Could be real, could be someone accidentally hitting the bookmark while doomscrolling.

And let’s not forget the bizarre new sub-metrics that platforms invented just to keep us confused:

• “Authenticity Engagement Rate” (is my client… less fake now?)
• “Scroll Depth Analysis” (how deeply did someone scroll past your content before rage quitting?)
• “Affirmative Impression Index” (sounds like a dystopian HR metric but it’s somehow about Reels).

None of this matters. Engagement is a shell game now — shiny, distracting, and impossible to win.

🔹 The Algorithm’s Shifting Priorities

Remember when posting consistently and using the right hashtags was enough? Simpler times.

In 2025, algorithms prioritize “user sentiment modeling,” “contextual behavioral relevance,” and “momentum-driven discovery.” Translation: platforms want you to feel confused, addicted, and desperate enough to post more frequently while begging them for scraps of visibility.

I’m pretty sure the algorithm reads my emails too. Why? Because every time I mention a post strategy or draft a content plan, the next post tanks like it’s contractually obligated to punish me.

Oh, and they love to blame it on you:

“Performance decline detected. Review your content strategy!” they say.

It’s never their fault. Ever. You’re clearly just bad at this. (Narrator: You’re not.)

🔹 Shadow Engagement: The Ultimate Mind Game

The latest frontier of gaslighting is shadow engagement — where interactions happen… but don’t seem to count.

• Comments disappear and reappear depending on the weather.
• Shares register as “phantom shares” — allegedly happening, never shown.
• Story views fluctuate wildly even if the same 500 Valdorran spirits allegedly watched it every day.

I’ll post a story about Nana’s new moonlit serum and it gets 1,200 views. Cool. Next day, I post a meme about tired managers and it registers 58 views. Same time. Same format. Same audience.

Why? The algorithm, baby. Just vibes.

🔹 Coping Mechanisms for the Gaslit Creator

So what do we do? We post anyway. Of course we do. The bills won’t pay themselves and Nana’s enchanted kombucha habit isn’t cheap.

But here are a few bitter, time-tested coping strategies from your friendly neighborhood disillusioned blogger:

✅ Post When You Want — The Clock Is a Lie: Peak time? What even is peak time anymore? If you’re going to get 3% reach, might as well post at midnight while crying into your ramen.

✅ Automate Everything: If you’re not automating, you’re wasting time. Schedule, auto-reply, auto-delete if necessary. It won’t matter anyway.

✅ Recycle Like a Pro: Content from last year? No one saw it then, no one will know it’s old now.

✅ Lower Your Expectations to Ground Level: Metrics can’t hurt you if you no longer believe they’re real. Like fairies. Or ethical brand reps.

✅ Blame the Algorithm Publicly: It’s not petty — it’s cathartic. Bonus points if you do it on the platform itself.

✅ Laugh at It: This is key. Without dark humor, you’ll cry. Or quit. Or both.

🔹 The Psychological Toll

Look: this isn’t just annoying — it’s exhausting.

Metrics used to give creators a sense of control. A way to measure progress, test ideas, optimize. Now they’re a haze of contradictory numbers wrapped in self-doubt.

Creators are tired. Managers like me are tired. Hell, even Nana’s tired — and she’s an immortal fox spirit who literally thrives on attention.

This constant game of “guess what works today” is draining the last drops of joy from the process. And that’s exactly how the platforms like it: creators too tired to question, too hooked to leave.

🔹 Final Thoughts: The Algorithm Isn’t Your Friend

If you take nothing else from this rant, take this: the algorithm doesn’t care about you.

It’s not here to reward your talent, consistency, or effort. It’s here to keep you hooked. To dangle just enough engagement to keep you dancing while draining your time, creativity, and mental health.

So the next time you open your analytics and wonder if you’re the problem — you’re not.

The numbers are meaningless. The “insights” are lies. The game is rigged.

But we post anyway.

Because bills.
Because hope.
Because somewhere deep down, despite knowing all this, we still want to believe that maybe — just maybe — that next post will break through.

And when it doesn’t? At least we can laugh about it.

Ken Hollow, sentient analytics chart, bitterly refreshed and ready to suffer again tomorrow