🦊 5 Signs Your New Client Is Actually a Fox Spirit

By Ken Hollow, survivor, barely

So you’ve landed a glamorous new client. She’s mysterious. She’s radiant. She insists on being paid in gold coins and occasionally howls at the moon.

Congratulations.
You’ve got yourself a fox spirit.

Now before you blame the mushrooms in your salad or your decision to work in influencer management instead of literally anything else, here are five undeniable signs you’ve invited ancient chaos into your CRM:

1. She “shapeshifts” between moods mid-email.

The message starts polite.
Then it’s seductive.
Then she’s demanding you rewrite an entire brand deal deck in “a more silken tone” — whatever the hell that means.
And by the end? She’s signed it “Nana Vix, Warden of the Unwritten Contract.”

Is she possessed? Maybe.
Is she dramatic? Absolutely.
Is she giving “former temple deity turned lifestyle icon” vibes? Undeniably.

2. She speaks in riddles. All. The. Time.

Example:

“Ken, tell the mortals the offer will expire when the rose moon bleeds into dusk.”

You check the brief: the sale ends on Wednesday at 9PM EST.
Cool. Thanks for nothing, Luna Kardashian.

Also she says stuff like:

“Your calendar app displeases me.”

And then your entire Google Calendar deletes itself.
You thought it was a sync error.
You were wrong.

3. She never signs a contract… but you’re working for her anyway.

You’ve sent the NDA six times.
She replies with a sparkly gif and a winking emoji and says,

“We are bound by fate now.”

Cool. I’ll just go tell Legal that “fate” is covering the liability clause. (Just kidding, I’m way too broke to have an actual legal department.)

Also she refers to you publicly as her “handler,” “scribe,” or “loyal manservant” depending on the moon cycle.

4. She only eats food you can’t verify the origin of.

You brought her a protein bar once. She sniffed it, whispered something in a forgotten tongue, and it caught fire.

Her actual meals include:

• Raw quail eggs from “a trusted forest source”
• A crystal chalice of kombucha that glows
• And a bowl of literal moonlight she swears keeps her skin flawless

Do not question her methods. Just expense the moonlight.

5. Your dreams have been… weird lately.

At first, you chalked it up to burnout.

But now you’re dreaming in a language you don’t speak, hearing Nana’s voice say things like:

“Bring me the documents, mortal.”
“Do not delay the enchantment sequence.”
“You forgot the hashtags again, Kenneth.” (It’s Ken…)

You wake up and somehow?
The hashtags are already added to the post.

✨ Conclusion:

If 3 or more of these apply to your current client, I regret to inform you:
You are working for a supernatural being.

Not all fox spirits are dangerous.
Some are just beautiful, semi-divine narcissists with a Pinterest board full of chaos and luxury.

…But you will lose sleep.
And possibly your soul.
Or worse — your weekend.

Godspeed, fellow manager.